Stage 1: You just found out you’re pregnant. You’re excited and you can’t believe you’re going to be a mother. You may be scared to give birth and wonder how you’re going to do it. Everywhere you look you see pregnant women. You’re tired. Like really tired. Every pain and twinge you wonder if it’s because you’re pregnant. You wonder if people can tell that you’re pregnant

Stage 2: You look fat but not pregnant. You can see people kind of looking at you wondering but it seems weird to blurt out “I’m pregnant!” You may or may not have told people by now. The people you’ve told ask you how you’re feeling all the time. You may have bought a couple of maternity things that you think you can wear after the baby comes. You may be tired, sick, have sore boobs and have to pee constantly.

Stage 3: You’re really cute and could be used for an ad for a maternity store. Everyone can see that you’re pregnant and congratulate you and tell you how wonderful you look. You feel great. Nothing hurts and you don’t feel sick anymore. This stage is usually from 4 months.

Stage 4: You’re starting to find it hard to breathe and things are starting to swell. You’re sick of people asking you if you know what you’re having, when you’re due and if you’ve decided on a name. You’re tired of wearing the same maternity clothes but you don’t want to buy new stuff because you’re almost done. Shaving your legs, putting shoes and tending to your lady bits is becoming difficult.

Stage 5: You feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit. People keep saying “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you’re going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You’re no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you.

Stage 6: The baby is here. You want to burn your maternity clothes. You’re no longer pregnant and you’re looking forward to getting your body back, a full night’s sleep and eating a nice, hot meal
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